Schedules for Babies

Now that I'm back to work I really want to get Owen into a routine/schedule.  We've always kind of had one, but I'm thinking it should be a little more set in stone now.  I know some people are totally against any type of schedule for a baby, but I figure it can't hurt to try.  Especially since it seems that when Owen is up too long, or asleep too long, he turns into a total crabby face at about 5:30.  That's usually the time I get home from work, so I'd like to be able to spend time with a happy baby, not one who just wants to scream at me all night.  Today marks day one of our much more structured eat play sleep schedule...here's to hoping for a good day and a less crabby evening.

Back to Work

Well, Owen turned 8 weeks old today, which marked my return to work.  I actually felt pretty ready to go back to work, and it went pretty well.  I am proud to say I didn't even cry.  I think it helped that one of my coworkers was sick today, and I had 1,155 emails to delete, I mean read.   Plus I'm a little rusty, so it took me a bit longer to do my work than it used to, so the eight hours sped by.  I'm pretty tired, but I survived, and Owen survived.  Here's to hoping we can both make it through a whole week next week.

On the Breastfeeding Issue

I realized after reading my post from yesterday that I sound pretty bitter about breast feeding, and well I am.  So I think this is a good place to just get out my feelings, and if anyone actually reads this, let them know I don't hate them if they actually can breastfeed their child.

So to start out, even before I was pregnant or even really thinking about starting a family, I judged people who didn't at least put forth a good effort for breastfeeding. I mean, now can you not even try, it just seemed wrong, that your baby would arrive and you would say give me the formula.  Then I got pregnant, and I read the books, and took the class, I was an expert.  I was excited to breastfeed my baby, and was positive that nothing could stop me.  I mean everything I read said that it's so rare that a woman truly cannot breastfeed, so I wasn't going to have any problems.

So, Owen arrives, and I do everything right.  I nurse him within two hours of birth, and I do my best to keep him in my room.  He's got ad jaundice, but I wake him up faithfully every two hours and make him eat.  The pediatrician says he needs formula to help with the jaundice.  I resist, and he gained back 2oz in one day, I think everything is great, but at 2 weeks he still isn't back to birth weight.  We saw a different doctor that day, she says no big deal he's only short a couple ounces, come back in a week, I bet he'll be great. 

We come back a week later, hasn't gained ANY weight.  So here I am crying in the doctors office because I just know there is something wrong, I read the books.  He has plenty of wet diapers, plenty of dirty diapers, and is eating 10 times a day.  Of course, when your baby's heart is working so hard that he is burning all his calories as fast as he's taking them in, that's not in the books.  That, of course, should have entered my pediatricians mind that day, when he heard Owen's heart murmur for the first time, but it didn't, he just said I needed to start supplementing again.  This time I listened, and my child ended up in the back of an ambulance at 3AM because at least the ER doctor listened to me when I said I knew something was wrong with my baby.

At children's hospital, I met with 4 lactation consultants, each one said we were doing everything right, and we could keep breastfeeding.  As Nathan said, of course we were doing everything right, you read the books, and took the class.  However, two weeks later, Owen is now 5 weeks old, and surprise he still isn't back to his birth weight. 

So, our journey of breastfeeding ends.  Even though the pediatrician wants me to nurse and then give a bottle, I know that is not a long term solution, and take it upon myself to do some research.  I decided I was going to pump and add formula to my breastmilk to up the calories, I started taking all the supplements that are supposed to up your supply so when you become an "exclusive pumper" you can get a decent amount.  Well, probably because of the stress, nothing worked, and I just couldn't keep up.  I knew at that point, we just needed to switch to high calorie formula.  I cried a lot at first, and was mad at the world because things just weren't going the way they were supposed to.  After a couple days, I changed my mind.  Owen was happier, and when we went to that first doctor appointment he had gained 8 oz in 4 days and was finally above birth weight.

I know I made the right decision for my family, but I am still jealous of the women who can breastfeed, and whose baby's actually gain weight.  I also, do feel like less of a mom because even though I know I didn't I feel like I failed my baby.  So yes, I am bitter, and I probably will be forever, even if I am successful with breastfeeding next time.  And, I will continue to judge moms who don't even try, because I tried harder than anyone I know.

100 Days

Owen had a cardiologist appointment yesterday, and everything looks great.  He gained almost a pound in two weeks, he was 7lbs 12 oz yesterday, and he's up to 21 inches long.  It's so relieving to me that he is finally gaining weight, and doing it at as well as he is.  The only thing the doctor's want to keep a close eye on right now is the pressure in his lungs, it is a little on the high side.  This is totally normal for someone with a VSD, as they are getting twice the normal amount of blood flow to the lungs.  The good thing about this right now is that it is probably helping Owen gain weight as well as he is, the bad thing is that it could get worse and then sabotage everything. 

The best thing about yesterday's appointment: The Dr. says it will be 100 days or less until surgery!  They would love to see him weigh 5 kilos, which is about 11 pounds.  Right now he is gaining 32 grams a day, which I guess is about and ounce and a half, based on what I've figured.  By the way I love going to the cardiologist because I get transported from America to Europe, they don't measure ANYTHING in a way I understand, so I have to come home and translate it for myself!

In other news, Kelly and I braved the snow and visited a pretty cool store in Neenah, Mom and Pop place.  They have lots of cool baby and kids toys, and natural products for baby and mom.  Nate called it a hippy store because they sell cloth diapers, but I thought overall it was a nice place.  They also have a cafe and activities for kids and moms that are free.  Definitely pay it a visit if you want to check out some of the cool toys and gadgets that you would only be able to buy online. 

Only one gripe, no bottle feeding supplies, which kind of gets me down.  I am all for breastfeeding, I wanted to do it for a year.  For us, it wasn't a choice, and it's one of those things that people who haven't been there don't understand, and I feel like the people in that store would look down on me for giving my tiny baby a bottle, because they can be close minded, and just don't want to understand that he is special. 

A Day Out

On Tuesday I usually take Owen to Mom's Club at the hospital.  I can weigh him, and hang out with other new moms.  Today he weighed in at 7lbs 6.5oz today.  He has finally gained a pound, and we couldn't be more excited. 

I am so thankful that he is finally gaining weight, but I always get a little down when I see or hear how big other babies his age are.  I just really want him to get healthy, and he is doing great for having his condition, but I just want a normal healthy baby now.  I think the whole open heart surgery thing is getting scarier and more real with every ounce he gains.  When he was only 6 pounds and we knew he had to be 10 pounds it seemed so far away, but now it really isn't.  If he keeps up at this rate he will be having surgery in February.

On a positive note, I had a great lunch out today!

It's Monday

Owen slept all night last night, from 9pm until 5am, he woke us up making tons of grunting noises in his sleep.  It's the first time that's happened, I hope it becomes a regular occurance.  I wish I could say I got a bunch of extra sleep, but between the grunting and the cats I didn't.  It's funny because our cats have gotten used to us being up in the night and have gotten used to getting a midnight snack, so they woke me up so they could get their fix.

I had my 6 week postpartum appontment with my OB today, I think we are celebrities at our hospital.  My doctor new all about Owen's adventure and emergency transport to Milwaukee. Typically they see VSD's in utero, and I think he felt pretty bad that they didn't catch it before Owen was born, he apologized about a hundred times, and told me he looked at all my ultrasounds and still doesn't see the VSD on the pictures.  I never blamed anyone for missing it, as we were lucky to still find it before Owen was in heart failure, and anything really serious happened.

I only have two weeks of maternity leave left, so this week Dad gets to start practicing since he will be home with Owen three days during the week.  So far today they are vegging on the couch, Owen loves laying on his dad, so I think there are many lazy days ahead.

Here's a picture of Owen at 6 weeks.

Owen's Heart

We found out about Owen's heart condition quite by accident On December 18th, and were whisked away to Children's Hospital in Milwaukee by ambulance.  It was there that we found out that Owen has a VSD, a hole between the ventricles in his heart.  VSD is a pretty common heart defect, and in most children it closes on its own, unfortunately, Owen's will not and he will require open heart surgery.  Currently he is doing really well, meaning he is not in heart failure yet, so the doctors are letting him try to gain some weight.  The cardiologists say our magic number is 10 pounds.  So after switching to formula in a high calorie mixture, Owen has started to gain weight and was 7lbs 1.5 ounces on Friday.  At this rate we can expect surgery probably at the end of February.

Greetings!

Now that we have a child, Nathan and I finding that everyone wants to know and see how Owen is doing.  I thought I'd give this a try and see how it goes over, first as a way to share information about Owen, and second as a way to share all the fun and not so fun challenges that parenting is bringing us.  I will also be using the blog as a place to update our family and friends about Owen's condition.  He has a Ventricular septal defect, which will require surgery sometime in the next few months.  Our families are a little spread out, and this will probably be the easiest way to get everyone the information.