Our Little Man is One

Happy Birthday Owen!

A year ago I was lying in the most uncomfortable bed, waiting to meet you, and today you are our little bundle of energy.

Funny how the first days you were home, we were all worried because you were jaundice, and had to be on a bili blanket, and we thought things would get easier as soon as you were better.  Little did we know that the trip to the ER for a low temperature would lead to the discovery of more serious health issues, and the first of your four hospital stays in the next 6 months.

You were always a trooper, and fought through the infection, RSV, and Bronchiolitis all before having your Open heart surgery in May.  Those first six months were hard, and scary, but these last six months have been nothing but amazing.  We have gotten to watch you grow, get stronger, and blossom into one of the most fun toddlers I know. 

I am so excited to see you learn and grow even more in the next year.

Wordless Wednesday

My Baby Can....

You might think I am going to say Read, but I'm not.  He may be a genius, but we don't have the reading thing mastered quite yet.

Really though, he can sit, on his own, for more than two seconds.  I am so proud of him!  We have been working on sitting for probably 5 months now.  He doesn't have it totally mastered, but at least he can do it for short time periods.

This is a big milestone in my mind because to me it means that he is healed.  In the hospital the physical therapist told me this:  babies in pain look for stability, and for a baby that is lying flat on their back.  This is why he never found his toes, never rolled over, never liked to be sitting or on his tummy before surgery.  So yay for a sitter!

Wordless Wednesday. I am getting so big!

Physical Therapy, and prayers.

Owen has been doing physical therapy through the Early Intervention program for about a month now.  Because of all his health issues, he had overall delays in all of his motor skills.  He is doing amazing!  He is still not quite on par with a 9 month old, but he can almost sit on his own.  He is also able to roll from his tummy to his back.  He won't roll over the other way, but only because he hates being on his tummy with a passion, and will immediately roll to his back if we let him. 

In other news, I have  a friend who's child is undergoing his third open heart surgery on Friday, please keep their family in your prayers.  It is a very complex surgery with a long recovery time, so they will need all the strength we can give them.

I'm back

I am making a new commitment to spend more time here, hopefully I will not let anyone, including myself, down.

First:  Owen's surgery is officially a success, he saw the cardiologist last week and they don't need to see him again for six months.  Yay, for hopefully no doctor appointments besides checkups.

Second: Owen has started physical therapy, and is doing great.  After all the time he spent in the hospital and sick, he was only measuring at about 4 months for overall development.  He's only had one session so far, but he's already starting to enjoy being on his stomach for more than twenty seconds. 

Third: I have started an Etsy shop.  Check out the link up top, or to the right, which has my current listings.  I hope to make practical, yet cute, hats available for all seasons.  There are plenty of crazy hats on etsy, but you can't wear those everyday. 

Surgery Monday

Owen is all set to gave surgery Monday. I guess the this time is the charm.

Surgery is scheduled to start at 8:30am and last about 4-6 hours. Please check back for updates throughout the day.

Here is a picture of Owen relaxing on the couch with me today.

Dimes

I can't believe I forgot about this story, but I did until Nate's cousin posted something on facebook.

I can't remember the entire origin of the dime story, or why they know it's Grandpa, but either way, it's touching, and reminds me that there are angels watching over us.

When Nathan's grandpa passed away, his Grandma started finding dimes, everywhere.  She always said they were from Dale, and were reminders that he was watching over us.

Fast forward to Owen's stay at Children's.  We had been there just a little while, and still had no idea what was wrong with Owen.  Owen's nurse saw something on the floor, and what did she pick up...a dime.  I think for me that was when I knew everything was going to be okay because we had someone up above taking care of our son. 

When I remembered about this yesterday, it made me feel better again. It renewed my feelings that I had back then, that everything will be okay. 

Third times the charm?

That's what people keep telling me anyway.  I hope it's true, we all really want the surgery day to get here, and just get it done.  There is so much build up, anxious feelings, and planning schedules that goes into this every time, that I am not sure I can do it again. 

We are scheduled for May 16th, so we are about a week and a half away.  Things are looking up, Owen has not had to have a nebulizer treatment in 24 hours, and is not weezing at all.  So, now our goal is to keep him healthy for the next week and a half. 

It will be so nice to finally be able to go places without analyzing every aspect of the decision because Owen might get sick.

Delays...

Well, it's taken me a week to write this because, well I'm angry, frustrated and a lot stressed out. 

Owen had a cold last week, that got pretty bad, and he was very wheezy, so we got to spend two nights in the hospital so they could administer nebulizer treatments and observe him to make sure he did not require oxygen.  For a regular baby, this cold would have not required hospitalization, and the doctor probably would have just sent us home with a nebulizer.  However, because Owen's lungs and heart are already working overtime, we had to play it safe.  Being in the hospital itself is not frustrating, I know it's the best place he could be, and it makes me feel better because at home I worry about his ability to breathe when he is sick.

The frustration sets in because we were so close, and we did everything right.  We kept him away from sick people, and made special arrangements when our regular babysitters son even had a hint of a sniffle.  We got caught off guard when someone watched Owen and didn't tell us their grand daughter was sick.  So of course, Owen got sick because he is just so susceptible to colds because his lungs are so overworked.  This makes me sad because it really isn't that hard to say something, we have many options for sitters, and could have made a last minute change. 

It makes me MAD because still, I have not received an apology, just an I'm sorry I screwed up would at least start the healing, and please let's not just ignore that it ever happened.  I hate that my child is just not important enough, or special enough that you might go out of your way to protect him, and love him the way I do. Also, to not even have enough care to realize that just because it's making your life easier, you are making our lives exponentially harder.  Just another doctor and hospital bill, more stress about our son's health because the longer we delay surgery the longer it will take his lungs to recover, but of course you wouldn't understand or care because you haven't taken the time to ask.   Honestly that relationship will take a long time to repair compeletely, and it hurts me a lot.

On a good note, we go to the cardiologist tomorrow to find out when we can reschedule, and the third time better be the charm because I am tired of bothering my boss to rearrange my vacation time, and trouble my co-workers to have to keep re-arraning all of our schedules....but I am lucky to work with great people who care about me and my family and will go out of their way to make sure I have time off whenever I end up needing it.

Five days

So we have five days until Owen's surgery. He has a cold, no fever so hopefully we will not face any further delays. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers as w how for a speedy recovery from this bug.

We are in the home stretch

Only eight days until Owen has surgery. As you might imagine I am going into full on panic mode. He has a little cough, which of course has me worried that he's getting sick. He is probably just fine as he has had a cough on and off ever since the rsv. So basically I am going to do my best to keep him healthy for three next week, and say a lot of prayers between now and them because I don't think I can deal with another delay.

Happy St. Patrick's Day and an Update

Happy St. Patrick's Day all! Owen and Nate were rocking the green today, were you?

Well, Owen seems to be completely over the RSV.  Unfortunately we had to delay surgery because of it, so now surgery is scheduled for April 14th.  We are meeting his surgeon next week, so hopefully we will have a lot more knowledge about what exactly will be happening.  We are very anxious for the next month to get over with, and will be keeping Owen in a bubble so he doesn't get sick again.  Hopefully, this terrible cold and flu season is almost over!

I haven't had a ton of free time lately, so I haven't been keeping up here so just a couple other things.  First, thanks to all of you that offered to donate blood.  It's great to know that we have family and friends willing to do this.  Unfortunately we will not be able to do directed blood donation.  I talked to a few mom's who have been through this before, and they all said the same thing:  they make it almost impossible to direct blood donations in Milwaukee.  So, we encourage you all to donate blood anyway.  It may not go to Owen, but it will be given to someone in need.

Second, I've taken up crochet.  I find it very therapeutic because it keeps my mind and hands busy.  I am keeping busy making Owen hats and leg warmers, and am thinking that someday soon, I may just turn it into a real part time job, but we will see.  Also, because Owen has been on the receiving end, I am going to start making blankets for Project Linus.  I've decided to try donate one blanket every other month, or more often if I have time.  So, I know some of you are crafty, I challenge you to help me out, and start donating too.  Let me know if you are interested, or just check out their website: www.projectlinus.org

We have a date...let the countdown begin

Owen's echo showed no real changes on Monday, and he is still doing awesome at gaining weight.  The cardiologist basically said, he has a VSD, but he's not letting it bother him, as he is not in any distress, or showing any symptoms typical to babies with a VSD as big as his is.  Because he was doing so well, we got the go ahead to schedule his surgery in 6 weeks.

Owen will be having surgery on April 1st, exactly one year and one day after I found out I was pregnant with him.  I found that a little bittersweet.  The surgery takes about 5 hours, and we expect him to be in the Hospital in Milwaukee for about 5 days if everything goes well.  I will do my best to keep the blog updated with his progress while we are in the hospital, and while he is recovering at home.  We have been given many assurances that everything should go well, as he is doing extremely well going into surgery.  Right now we are remembering that we are very lucky to be going into this situation with a "healthy" child, as it will make his recovery that much easier.

Since most of you reading are family and friends, if anyone is interested in donating blood for Owen, please let me know, comment here, or message me on facebook.  I need to get the directed donation stuff set up, but once I do I can give anyone who wants it more information about how to donate.

Thank you all for your wishes, thoughts, and prayers, we are grateful for them all.

Update....

I am back to work, I survived my first full week!  The only thing that means is that I don't have as much time to keep the blog updated, but I will try to make sure I at least get our progress reports out here.

We saw the cardiologist yesterday, and he called Owen Mr. Consistent.  He gained another 450 grams, exactly what he had gained the two weeks prior.  Oh yeah, that's the same thing as a pound by the way.  So now we are at 8lbs 12 oz, and if he keeps this up he will be really close to 11 pounds by the end of February.  The Dr. also said that he still sounds pretty good, and his liver is getting a little bigger, but not big enough to be overly concerned.  Owen is having a followup echo. in two weeks so we will know a lot more about exactly when surgery will be.  If the echo looks good and his weight gain stays consistent we are looking at March or April for surgery.

Owen woke up with his first cold today, poor guy, he had a super stuffy nose and a bad cough.  Another downside of the heart condition is that we can't really give him any medicine for the cough because it all speeds up the heart.  Hopefully he will handle it well, and get through it fast.  My goal is to keep him eating because if he doesn't eat they may send him to the hospital.  He's a trooper though, so I am sure we will be fine.

Schedules for Babies

Now that I'm back to work I really want to get Owen into a routine/schedule.  We've always kind of had one, but I'm thinking it should be a little more set in stone now.  I know some people are totally against any type of schedule for a baby, but I figure it can't hurt to try.  Especially since it seems that when Owen is up too long, or asleep too long, he turns into a total crabby face at about 5:30.  That's usually the time I get home from work, so I'd like to be able to spend time with a happy baby, not one who just wants to scream at me all night.  Today marks day one of our much more structured eat play sleep schedule...here's to hoping for a good day and a less crabby evening.

Back to Work

Well, Owen turned 8 weeks old today, which marked my return to work.  I actually felt pretty ready to go back to work, and it went pretty well.  I am proud to say I didn't even cry.  I think it helped that one of my coworkers was sick today, and I had 1,155 emails to delete, I mean read.   Plus I'm a little rusty, so it took me a bit longer to do my work than it used to, so the eight hours sped by.  I'm pretty tired, but I survived, and Owen survived.  Here's to hoping we can both make it through a whole week next week.

On the Breastfeeding Issue

I realized after reading my post from yesterday that I sound pretty bitter about breast feeding, and well I am.  So I think this is a good place to just get out my feelings, and if anyone actually reads this, let them know I don't hate them if they actually can breastfeed their child.

So to start out, even before I was pregnant or even really thinking about starting a family, I judged people who didn't at least put forth a good effort for breastfeeding. I mean, now can you not even try, it just seemed wrong, that your baby would arrive and you would say give me the formula.  Then I got pregnant, and I read the books, and took the class, I was an expert.  I was excited to breastfeed my baby, and was positive that nothing could stop me.  I mean everything I read said that it's so rare that a woman truly cannot breastfeed, so I wasn't going to have any problems.

So, Owen arrives, and I do everything right.  I nurse him within two hours of birth, and I do my best to keep him in my room.  He's got ad jaundice, but I wake him up faithfully every two hours and make him eat.  The pediatrician says he needs formula to help with the jaundice.  I resist, and he gained back 2oz in one day, I think everything is great, but at 2 weeks he still isn't back to birth weight.  We saw a different doctor that day, she says no big deal he's only short a couple ounces, come back in a week, I bet he'll be great. 

We come back a week later, hasn't gained ANY weight.  So here I am crying in the doctors office because I just know there is something wrong, I read the books.  He has plenty of wet diapers, plenty of dirty diapers, and is eating 10 times a day.  Of course, when your baby's heart is working so hard that he is burning all his calories as fast as he's taking them in, that's not in the books.  That, of course, should have entered my pediatricians mind that day, when he heard Owen's heart murmur for the first time, but it didn't, he just said I needed to start supplementing again.  This time I listened, and my child ended up in the back of an ambulance at 3AM because at least the ER doctor listened to me when I said I knew something was wrong with my baby.

At children's hospital, I met with 4 lactation consultants, each one said we were doing everything right, and we could keep breastfeeding.  As Nathan said, of course we were doing everything right, you read the books, and took the class.  However, two weeks later, Owen is now 5 weeks old, and surprise he still isn't back to his birth weight. 

So, our journey of breastfeeding ends.  Even though the pediatrician wants me to nurse and then give a bottle, I know that is not a long term solution, and take it upon myself to do some research.  I decided I was going to pump and add formula to my breastmilk to up the calories, I started taking all the supplements that are supposed to up your supply so when you become an "exclusive pumper" you can get a decent amount.  Well, probably because of the stress, nothing worked, and I just couldn't keep up.  I knew at that point, we just needed to switch to high calorie formula.  I cried a lot at first, and was mad at the world because things just weren't going the way they were supposed to.  After a couple days, I changed my mind.  Owen was happier, and when we went to that first doctor appointment he had gained 8 oz in 4 days and was finally above birth weight.

I know I made the right decision for my family, but I am still jealous of the women who can breastfeed, and whose baby's actually gain weight.  I also, do feel like less of a mom because even though I know I didn't I feel like I failed my baby.  So yes, I am bitter, and I probably will be forever, even if I am successful with breastfeeding next time.  And, I will continue to judge moms who don't even try, because I tried harder than anyone I know.

100 Days

Owen had a cardiologist appointment yesterday, and everything looks great.  He gained almost a pound in two weeks, he was 7lbs 12 oz yesterday, and he's up to 21 inches long.  It's so relieving to me that he is finally gaining weight, and doing it at as well as he is.  The only thing the doctor's want to keep a close eye on right now is the pressure in his lungs, it is a little on the high side.  This is totally normal for someone with a VSD, as they are getting twice the normal amount of blood flow to the lungs.  The good thing about this right now is that it is probably helping Owen gain weight as well as he is, the bad thing is that it could get worse and then sabotage everything. 

The best thing about yesterday's appointment: The Dr. says it will be 100 days or less until surgery!  They would love to see him weigh 5 kilos, which is about 11 pounds.  Right now he is gaining 32 grams a day, which I guess is about and ounce and a half, based on what I've figured.  By the way I love going to the cardiologist because I get transported from America to Europe, they don't measure ANYTHING in a way I understand, so I have to come home and translate it for myself!

In other news, Kelly and I braved the snow and visited a pretty cool store in Neenah, Mom and Pop place.  They have lots of cool baby and kids toys, and natural products for baby and mom.  Nate called it a hippy store because they sell cloth diapers, but I thought overall it was a nice place.  They also have a cafe and activities for kids and moms that are free.  Definitely pay it a visit if you want to check out some of the cool toys and gadgets that you would only be able to buy online. 

Only one gripe, no bottle feeding supplies, which kind of gets me down.  I am all for breastfeeding, I wanted to do it for a year.  For us, it wasn't a choice, and it's one of those things that people who haven't been there don't understand, and I feel like the people in that store would look down on me for giving my tiny baby a bottle, because they can be close minded, and just don't want to understand that he is special. 

A Day Out

On Tuesday I usually take Owen to Mom's Club at the hospital.  I can weigh him, and hang out with other new moms.  Today he weighed in at 7lbs 6.5oz today.  He has finally gained a pound, and we couldn't be more excited. 

I am so thankful that he is finally gaining weight, but I always get a little down when I see or hear how big other babies his age are.  I just really want him to get healthy, and he is doing great for having his condition, but I just want a normal healthy baby now.  I think the whole open heart surgery thing is getting scarier and more real with every ounce he gains.  When he was only 6 pounds and we knew he had to be 10 pounds it seemed so far away, but now it really isn't.  If he keeps up at this rate he will be having surgery in February.

On a positive note, I had a great lunch out today!

It's Monday

Owen slept all night last night, from 9pm until 5am, he woke us up making tons of grunting noises in his sleep.  It's the first time that's happened, I hope it becomes a regular occurance.  I wish I could say I got a bunch of extra sleep, but between the grunting and the cats I didn't.  It's funny because our cats have gotten used to us being up in the night and have gotten used to getting a midnight snack, so they woke me up so they could get their fix.

I had my 6 week postpartum appontment with my OB today, I think we are celebrities at our hospital.  My doctor new all about Owen's adventure and emergency transport to Milwaukee. Typically they see VSD's in utero, and I think he felt pretty bad that they didn't catch it before Owen was born, he apologized about a hundred times, and told me he looked at all my ultrasounds and still doesn't see the VSD on the pictures.  I never blamed anyone for missing it, as we were lucky to still find it before Owen was in heart failure, and anything really serious happened.

I only have two weeks of maternity leave left, so this week Dad gets to start practicing since he will be home with Owen three days during the week.  So far today they are vegging on the couch, Owen loves laying on his dad, so I think there are many lazy days ahead.

Here's a picture of Owen at 6 weeks.

Owen's Heart

We found out about Owen's heart condition quite by accident On December 18th, and were whisked away to Children's Hospital in Milwaukee by ambulance.  It was there that we found out that Owen has a VSD, a hole between the ventricles in his heart.  VSD is a pretty common heart defect, and in most children it closes on its own, unfortunately, Owen's will not and he will require open heart surgery.  Currently he is doing really well, meaning he is not in heart failure yet, so the doctors are letting him try to gain some weight.  The cardiologists say our magic number is 10 pounds.  So after switching to formula in a high calorie mixture, Owen has started to gain weight and was 7lbs 1.5 ounces on Friday.  At this rate we can expect surgery probably at the end of February.

Greetings!

Now that we have a child, Nathan and I finding that everyone wants to know and see how Owen is doing.  I thought I'd give this a try and see how it goes over, first as a way to share information about Owen, and second as a way to share all the fun and not so fun challenges that parenting is bringing us.  I will also be using the blog as a place to update our family and friends about Owen's condition.  He has a Ventricular septal defect, which will require surgery sometime in the next few months.  Our families are a little spread out, and this will probably be the easiest way to get everyone the information.